questions | Cheeze Whiz and Mustard

Sacha pronounces pumpkin “cappi”. How the heck does that happen?
The pumpkin I carved yesterday had an anus. The pumpkin Tony carved had a pseudo-anus (it was closed up). Like someone who has had a colostomy.
Keeping with that, how do people with colostomy bags fart? Does it smell? If so, like regular farts or more like baby-spit-up (partially digested prunes and what-not)?
Why is Hippo Monkey always so constipated? And why doesn’t Lactulose work for him? Does he have bowels of steel or something? Or maybe some sort of micro-steel that doesn’t absorb anything and won’t flex to let the poop out?
Why is software so expensive? I really want Dreamweaver CS4, but I really don’t want to pay $399 for it. And Santa is not that rich in our house. Or in my mother’s house. But I do really want to get into web designing. Frick on a stick.
On that note, why the heck is Tupperware so expensive??
Furthermore, must get ideas for Christmas gifts for the Hippo Monkey (aka Kees) that Sacha will not steal the minute the unwrapping is over.
Scratch that. Impossible.
Is wealth distribution really such a bad thing? If so, I must be a Gay Nader Fan for Peace. Or worse. A FRENCH Gay Nader Fan for Peace. Wait. I am French. Hmmm…
How am I to keep Sacha away from the Halloween stash so as to prevent further candy-sugar-induced night terrors? Like the one last night that woke up his brother? Oh wait. His brother wakes up every 2 hours for his damn suce (aka binky, toot, soother, crack, whatever else you call it in your house).
Happy Feet is the most annoying movie ever made. And WHY do people think it is a kids’ movie? Showing the penguins being all sexed-up and dirty dancing-like and with At.ti.tude. It’s just creepy. That’s all. Just creepy. Goonies…now THERE is a good movie! And it teaches a good lesson, too: don’t drop your baby, or when he grows up, he’ll throw you off a pirate ship.