There comes a time as a parent that your kids say things that take you off guard, and leave you wondering what could possibly be going through their heads. As the parent of a 3 year old boy, these crises come on a regular basis. This week, we had what I would call a Three-Year-Old Gender Identity Crisis.
Crisis Number 1
“Mommy, I wanna marry a boy.”
My first thought is: What?! Oh man, how can he be gay already?? I know he says he doesn’t like girls, but isn’t that normal for a 3 year old boy?
I then reel in the irrational-express, destination Sarah’s brain and decide to pursue a little further.
Sacha: I gonna marry Kees-man.
Me: Sacha, you can’t marry Kees. He’s your brother. And why do you want to marry a boy?
Sacha: Because girls don’t like aliens and I LIKE ALIENS!
My thoughts at this point: Oh thank GOD!
Then I say: Sacha, even if girls don’t like aliens, it is ok to marry one. If you want to be a daddy someday, you’re going to have to marry a girl.
Sacha: But why?
Me: Because only girls can have babies. If you marry a boy, a boy can’t carry a baby in its tummy.
Sacha: Hmmm…then I just gonna marry you.
Me: Sorry, Sacha. Maman is already married. You have to find someone who is not married yet.
Sacha: Oh. (pause while he collects his thoughts) Well, then Kees can marry Stef (Sacha’s former love interest) and I can marry Madison ’cause she’s so CUTE!
Crisis Number 2
Sacha: Daddy, sometimes I wish I didn’t have a penis.
All I am thinking is “Oh crap, he figured out that he needs a vagina to have a baby.”
Sacha: Because then I could pee out of my bum. HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is silly. Poop and pee out of my bum! Or, maybe I could poop and pee out of my penis! HAHAHAHAHAHA!
So far, gender-identity crisis averted. As long as he doesn’t decide that Sacha is a girl’s name (which it is NOT, but I digress) and that he can have a sex-change operation and not even have to change his name.