The Gender-Identity Crisis

There comes a time as a parent that your kids say things that take you off guard, and leave you wondering what could possibly be going through their heads.  As the parent of a 3 year old boy, these crises come on a regular basis.  This week, we had what I would call a Three-Year-Old Gender Identity Crisis.

Crisis Number 1

“Mommy, I wanna marry a boy.”

My first thought is: What?! Oh man, how can he be gay already?? I know he says he doesn’t like girls, but isn’t that normal for a 3 year old boy?

I then reel in the irrational-express, destination Sarah’s brain and decide to pursue a little further.

Sacha: I gonna marry Kees-man.

Me: Sacha, you can’t marry Kees.  He’s your brother.  And why do you want to marry a boy?

Sacha: Because girls don’t like aliens and I LIKE ALIENS!

My thoughts at this point: Oh thank GOD!

Then I say: Sacha, even if girls don’t like aliens, it is ok to marry one.  If you want to be a daddy someday, you’re going to have to marry a girl.

Sacha: But why?

Me: Because only girls can have babies.  If you marry a boy, a boy can’t carry a baby in its tummy.

Sacha: Hmmm…then I just gonna marry you.

Me: Sorry, Sacha.  Maman is already married.  You have to find someone who is not married yet.

Sacha: Oh.  (pause while he collects his thoughts)  Well, then Kees can marry Stef (Sacha’s former love interest) and I can marry Madison ’cause she’s so CUTE!

Crisis Number 2

Sacha: Daddy, sometimes I wish I didn’t have a penis.

Tony: WHY?

All I am thinking is “Oh crap, he figured out that he needs a vagina to have a baby.”

Sacha: Because then I could pee out of my bum.  HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is silly.  Poop and pee out of my bum!  Or, maybe I could poop and pee out of my penis!  HAHAHAHAHAHA!

So far, gender-identity crisis averted.  As long as he doesn’t decide that Sacha is a girl’s name (which it is NOT, but I digress) and that he can have a sex-change operation and not even have to change his name.

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6 thoughts on “The Gender-Identity Crisis

  1. shadymama: I was waiting for someone to point that out! I basically took the easy way out and avoided the whole “where do babies come from” and “why can’t two married boys be daddies” question. Maybe I’ll just get Ricky Martin to write him a letter!

  2. it warms my cold, cold heart to think that, if gayness is indeed in the cards, one less child would have to go through the motions of pretending to be straight to please his family. thank you for accepting whatever your child becomes.

  3. Your son is HILARIOUS.

    Oh, and re: Sacha’s name, I know at least two guys here named Sacha (well, Sascha, but…). Totally not girls. And I don’t even know that many people in this country 🙂

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