Baby, you can stay in there just a while longer

I am due in 4 days. That’s right, 4 days. I had Sacha at 37 weeks, so this is far longer than I have ever been pregnant, and I feel as though my skin just CANNOT stretch anymore. But it does. Every day I wake up, still pregnant, still having false labour, still waiting. Sacha brings me my tummy butter, reminding me that I AM still pregnant and that I’d better lather that stuff on if I want my skin to keep stretching without the stretch marks.

Still waiting

I look down at my tummy, and I feel as though it has its own gravitational force, as though it has its own mind and is clearly in charge, leading me forward like divining rods in search of ground water, only in my belly’s case, it is leading me to a place I both fear and long for.

I wake up each morning, trying to decide what to do with Sacha in case this is the last day that I am ONLY his mommy. We play at the park. We bake. We play outside in the yard. And he wants me to hold him and cuddle him most of the day. He cups my face in his hands and gives me warm kisses, then lifts up my shirt and kisses the baby, reminding me that Sacha has no idea how his life is going to change when he has to share his mommy, nor do I. And I grieve at what I will lose when that day comes.

Then, while Sacha sleeps, I peer at my tummy, wondering who this little person is, and eager to be his/her mommy, too: to hold a little baby in my arms again, to nurse again, to watch my little child grow and discover the world the way its big brother is doing, to fill my heart with imaginable love the way Sacha did when he was born. And I am overwhelmed with excitement for the day when I become a mother again.

I want to meet you, but if you want to take your time getting here, I will wait. Your brother needs me, too.


17 thoughts on “Baby, you can stay in there just a while longer

  1. I can’t see the screen as I type ’cause I’m crying 😛 That is so sweet Sarah…you’ll be a great mom the second time around too 🙂
    Maybe on mom’s day!!?? Sacha and new baby are lucky to have you for their mom 🙂

    p.s 😛 “no stretch marks” 😛

  2. Oh honey. Don’t grieve what you’ll lose, celebrate what you’ll gain! (You know, besides the poundage – heh.) I started freaking out with these thoughts while pregnant with Arlo, but having 2 totally kicks having 1’s ass. For reals. After the first few weeks of adjustment and utter insanity, it’s gonna be awesome. Ooh, I’m so excited!

  3. Brought tears to my eyes too,Sarah.You’ll soon realize how much love your heart really does hold, when you look into the eyes of your new little baby. There’s more than enough for Sacha,Kees or Ivy and the others to come. The joy of motherhood is the greatest joy ever. I miss you Sarah. See you real soon. Love MOM

  4. Can’t wait to hold you in my arms Sarah. I just realized again how far away you are. Tears are rolling down my cheeks as I pluck away at the keyboard to let you know how much I miss you and your sisters. I’m feling sorry for myself just a little , another Mother’s Day without my babies. Hugs and Kisses. Avec amour, Maman.

  5. I teared up reading this, I know how you feel. My new one arrive 4 weeks ago and right before he came I worried about Bubbie. Let me just say it has gone much smoother than I thought. Initially Bubbie did not even acknowledge the baby and slowly he warmed up. He actually helps carry the baby bottle to mommy and kisses the baby goodnight/goodbye. This morining the baby was in the bouncy chair and started tpo fuss and Bubbie tried to turn on the vibration for him.
    Congratulations on being almost there, your family is in my thoughts and prayers!

  6. I agree with Andi- 2 is a lot more fun than 1. The interaction between the two is priceless. And you’ll always have time for kisses for your biggest boy, I assure you.
    (and the picture of Sacha at the pharmacy reminds me of going to visit my dad at work when I was little….)

  7. It will be great having your second one and all will work out and be great! Plus? Your due date is May 11th? Mother’s Day? That’s my J-man’s first birthday. That’s when you need to have your second. I have decreed it! It shall be done! 🙂

  8. Hugs to you Sarah for being so brave and to your Mommy who loves you to bits. It’s o.k. Mom, I am feeling your sorrow for not being there with your first born. Not too many more sleeps and you can stretch your arms to hold all 4!!!

  9. Sarah, you and your mom both made me cry. It’s amazing how much love your heart can accommodate. I have enough room in my heart to love 4 kids, 3 & 39/40ths grandkids, and 3 in-law kids. Please come soon baby. I can hardly wait to meet you.

  10. You certainly made me all sniffly here – whenever I think about having another one, I always wonder how it’ll be for Torsten, and I feel soooo protective.

    You’re going to be a wonderful mama of two – hope you’re hanging in there ok.

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