Clearly, something must be done

Dear Nintendo,

I am writing to you because I have recently purchased the classic Super Mario Bros 3 game for my Wii using some Wii points, and I have a few suggestions that I think could improve this game.

  1. Clearly, 4 lives are not enough to start out with. After several attempts, I feel that you should up the lives-allotment to 8, as that’s how many lives it took me to get past level 1.
  2. Those flying mushroom-looking dudes should not fly. They misrepresent what real mushrooms can do. Furthermore, if one accidentally runs into one, one should not lose a life. I think that a nice little band-aid or something similar would suffice. Or maybe the little mushrooms could kiss you or make you high. Mushrooms do that, right? That would make sense, no?
  3. The boomerang throwing turtle should die.
  4. Every time you finish A level, you should immediately get a free life. This life will undoubtedly be needed for running into those damn flying mushroom evil thingies.
  5. What the hell is the purpose of the coins? Can I bank them and trade them in for more lives? If not, get rid of them. They’re useless to me.
  6. When you ultimately run out of lives and die, you should NOT have to go back and try to pass level 1 again. That is just cruel and unnecessary punishment for dying by flying mushrooms.

I may have more suggestions for your consideration once I get past level 4. Until then, I remain respectfully yours,

Mrs. Mustard

In case you think I am exaggerating, I am not. I am truly the worst super mario player ever to touch a nintendo.


8 thoughts on “Clearly, something must be done

  1. Oh no, you are not the worst! I don’t think I’ve ever beaten level 1! although I might be significantly better on a Wii since I have a tendency to move the controller the way I want the character to go rather than use the buttons! 😉 People always laugh at me when I play Nintendo!

  2. Dear Nintendo,

    I respectfully request that you sponsor a tournament between Mrs. M and myself to determine once and for all who is the World Champion of Suckitude.

    Someone who equally embraces her lackluster Nintendo skillz

  3. Ooh, I had this for my Nintendo years ago (and that was the last game system I ever had) and loved it!!!

    Maybe they could just give us boomerangs to throw back at that damn turtle.

  4. I left you the bestest comment last night and it got eaten by the spambot (or my computer). It went something like this:

    Dear Nintendo,
    Please sponsor a tournament between Mrs. Mustard and myself so that we may finally determine who is the World Champion of Video Game Suckitude.

    Someone who embraces her lackluster Mario skillz

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