A cousin of my father’s is planning a family reunion on my Baba’s side of the family. It has been 10 years, 3 deaths, many weddings and several births since the last one. In a family of 70 (TOTAL), one in which everyone knows everyone else, I think it is probably wise to have another reunion before someone else kicks the bucket.
The reunion concept is sort of unique: various events at various locations in a single city. Unlike the last reunion, where we all went to a ranch-retreat for a weekend, we will not all be staying under the same roof, nor eating the same nasty-ass rationed ranch cooking that we were forced to eat last time (trust me: a gang of Slovaks knows the difference between hot dogs and tofu-dogs). Nor will we be awoken by a loud cow bell at 7:00 for breakfast, then told that we are not allowed to have 3 pieces of sausage, only 2. We will not be kicked out of the hot tub at 10:00pm. Nor will we be paying absurd amounts of money for this abuse.
I’ve been to a few hyper-organized anti-fun reunions, and I think this open idea has its perks. My Baba thinks otherwise. I think.
Baba: So what do you think of this reunion thing?
Me: Umn, I think it’s ok. Why?
Baba: Well, I think it’s a dumb idea.
B: Well, it’s all scattered! Where are we all going to be together?
M: Well, there are tentative activities planned for all of us, aren’t there?
B: Yeah, like a BBQ. But are we going to have to bring our own meat or what?
M: Probably, or else everyone will pay $20 or something and someone goes shopping.
B: Yeah, and buys shitty meat.
M: Well, then you could bring your own meat.
B: That’s stupid.
M: Well, I’m sure those details will be ironed out.
B: And what about this “going to the Mall” idea? Who wants to go to the mall?
M: Well, maybe she’s thinking of those from out of town who don’t get to go to the mall very often.
B: Yeah, but she’s thinking like a teacher and that we’ll all go together and walk in a line and hold on to a rope so no one gets lost.
M: There’s not going to be a rope. Plus, you don’t have to go to the mall. It’s your choice.
B: But everyone should be together!
M: Well, do you want to hang on to the stupid rope then?
B: I want to go to Heritage Days.
M: You can go to Heritage Days! That’s one of the ideas for activities for the weekend.
B: How are we all supposed to go to Heritage Days?
M: It’s a pretty big festival, I’m sure there’s room.
B: Yeah, but are we all going to have to walk together and hang on to a rope?
M: But you said you want everyone to be together!
B: Well, we should be!
M: Then what are you talking about?
B: And where are we all going to stay? Not everyone has a place to stay, and motels are expensive for 2 nights.
M: Not anymore than it cost for us to go to that ranch, and everyone said that we would not do that again.
B: Yeah, the food sucked, it was a crappy place, but at least we were all TOGETHER. Aren’t there camps around where you could rent cabins and a hall?
M: Yes, but they are expensive, you’d have to bring in all your own food, cook it, do all the dishes, then clean the place spic and span at the end to get your deposit back. Who wants to be on dish duty at a reunion?
B: That would be better than what she’s got planned. I want to go to Heritage Days!
M: Then hang on to the fucking rope!!
NB: I did not actually swear at my grandmother. I am a good granddaughter. I just have no clue what the fuck she wants here.