With full intentions of taking the little dude out to
score me some sweets show off his costume introduce Sacha to trick or treating, that is not how the night went:
- Sacha, despite his total love affair with Elmo and all things Elmo-related, did not want to wear his costume for more than 20 minutes.
- A visit to Tony’s work with Sacha-Elmo in tow provided a large bag of Cheetos, Smarties, Lipton Raspberry White Tea (Sacha’s favourite) and assorted other sugary substances. It was enough to give even a pregnant lady a sugar high.
- Sacha’s desire to consume all of said items in the shortest time possible made him a total loon for the rest of the afternoon.
- Sacha also discovered the wonderful sweet sugary taste of rockets, which were one of the candies we were giving out. He got very upset when I started giving them to strangers knocking at the door.
- The weather turned totally foul right at trick-or-treating time. By foul, I mean wind that blows full garbage cans into the road and rain that bounces back up from the ground. And hits you sideways.
So what can I say? We didn’t go out this year. Instead, we spent the night doling out candy to kids in droves. I even gave a couple of teenagers shit for showing up at the door in minimal festive attire and muttering “hey” instead of the standard “trick-or-treat.” I told him that his voice was deep enough that he probably had enough money to buy his own candy, and the least he could do was say trick or treat if he expected anything from me. Oh yeah, I went there. It burns my ass that kids that old are out ringing my bell for free candy, then probably taking it to their car, hotboxing the damn thing and snorting crushed rockets. Oh, and then having a lot of sex with equally annoying scantily clad girls.
We shut the place down at 7:00, by which time we’d already had 180 kids and ran out of candy. We turned off all the lights, put Sacha to bed, and sat in the dark watching TV. Despite all these obvious signs that we had no candy left, some speedfreak kids showed up at 7:45 and rang the doorbell like their finger was glued to it. It was enough to wake up Sacha. This, coupled with Tony’s inherent distaste for adolescents, sent him racing down the street in the rain after the kids to give him a piece of his mind. Sadly, kids can outrun my husband, so I got to hear a lecture about the ills of their generation when he returned.
The evening ended with some good old ANTM. Ya, I can be shallow like that. It’s my guilty pleasure.