Don’t knock it ’til you tried it

Overheard at a maternity clothing store while waiting in line to pay for my 2 items and maternity thongs (YES!):

Preggo Gal: I went bra-shopping with my mom last week and we got fitted.
Non-preggo friend: Oh yeah?
Preggo Gal: I was sized at a 40DD. I’ll have to go to Walmart to pick up some bras.
Non-preggo friend: looking up at the vast nursing bra section right in front of them You don’t want to try any of these on? They would have your size here.
Preggo Gal: No, these are nursing bras.
Non-preggo friend: You’re not going to nurse?
Preggo Gal: Oh no. I’m having none of that.
Non-preggo friend: Why not?
Preggo Gal: I just can’t see myself doing something like that. I don’t think it’s my thing.
Non-preggo friend: Why do you say that?
Preggo Gal: gets a look of disgust on her face It’s just not something I would do.

Here’s my commentary:

HOW DO YOU KNOW UNTIL YOU’VE TRIED IT, DUMBASS????  With all of the literature out there about how breast is best, bonding between mother and baby, how could you stand there in a maternity store and look disgusted when someone mentions breastfeeding?  Or think that it probably isn’t your thing?  How the fuck do you know that?  You’ve never had a baby before!!!  You’ve never NURSED before!  You’ve never had a screaming baby in the middle of the night wanting to be fed while you thank God for giving you breasts that you can just whip out instead of fussing over a bottle of formula and getting it to the right temperature.

Ugh.

I will admit, the first time the nurse brought Sacha to me and plopped him next to me and tried to help him latch on, I had my doubts about this boobie business.  I mean, my breast was bigger than his head!  I couldn’t see his face when he nursed, and he demanded immediate hunger satisfaction, which is not really how it goes in those first few days before your milk comes in. The little bugger wouldn’t stay latched for more than a few seconds, which is not enough in those first days to get much of anything. He screamed, I cried.  One nurse even told me that “you can’t force a baby to breastfeed.  You can force a bottle, but not a breast.” Bah!

I promptly requested another nurse, who set up a little syringe and feeding tube with formula in it to tape onto my breast. That way, when he latched on, I would push the plunger just enough to get him motivated to stay latched.  Then, I took away the syringe and he stayed on for as long as I let him.   That nurse was a saint to show me that trick.  It saved my sanity in those first 2 days before the goods came in, which I discovered totally by surprise when I accidentally squirted a different nurse in the face.

And then, nursing seemed to just get easier by the day.

I even set up little obstacles for myself, just to see how far it would go.  I could sit on one corner of the couch and spray the opposite end of the coffee table.  Score one for me!

Ok, don’t pretend you haven’t done it.  What else are you supposed to do to stay sane when you’re stuck in the house with an infant and a cat?  Make your own fun.

Ah, if preggo gal only knew what she’ll be missing.

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6 thoughts on “Don’t knock it ’til you tried it

  1. Ew. Damn you for making me picture you using your boob to spray stuff. You were one bored little muffin.

    And I HATE it when people talk about breastfeeding not being their thing. Some people talk about it with such disgust, you’d think you were asking them to star in a porn film.

  2. Haha! I used to freak out my non-mommy friends by showing them how far I could shoot milk across the room. Good times.

    Here’s another great quote I heard recently: “Oh yes, I breastfed exclusively for a week!”

  3. I admit to trying it and it not going well. So I did give it a shot (6 weeks) and it just wasn’t for me. So IF we ever had another child I more than likely wouldn’t try again. My experience just wasn’t pleasant.

    And I know all the research. And it’s still the choice I would make.

    But I have total props for those woman who do choose to breastfeed! I think it’s great and a wonderful sacrifice!!

  4. The second day of Andi’s life, I was nursing her and a nurse came in. She said, “Isn’t that the most beautiful sight in the world?” I believe it is.

  5. I had some pretty incompetent nurses trying to help me nurse too. Thankfully, the lactation consultant was available the day after Abby was born. Nursing was definitely a struggle for me at first (cracked nips, mastitis, engorgement, pumping at work…no experienced friends or relatives to provide assistance), but it was absolutely worth it for the bonding/nutrition aspects. Once I made it to the 8 wk point, it was cake!

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