While wasting time one afternoon, mainly avoiding the massacre of dishes piled up in my sink, Sacha and I headed to the mall for some lessons in mall ratology. I took him to a display on fire safety, where they were handing out free suckers. I watched him run around, making cute faces at strangers and showing everyone his sucker. We explored some sales at the bookstore, pondered the delights of milkshakes and ice cream, and then studied the wonder of the vending machine. Sacha played with the dial you turn to vend the candy, and tried to stick his sucker in the coin slot. He suddenly abandons his sucker and is fingering something shiny in his palm. I grab his hand and pry it open – a toonie*. The kid found a toonie in the vending machine! Score for me! My kid made me some sweet cash!
- Take my kid to hang out at a mall, like all the classy parents do
- Give my kid a sucker to get him doped up on sugar, like all the classy parents do
- My kid earns me $2. I let him play with it for a while, but eventually take it away (choking hazard, no?) and buy myself a beverage.
- From now on, just call me pimp-mama.
*For my friends to the south, toonie is our colloquial word for our $2 coin, which is currently worth about $2.06 US. That has never happened in my lifetime, so it bears mentioning on here.