Help Wanted


New Mama Friend to live in house next door as current Mama Friend is moving 18 hours away due to husband’s stupid contracting job.

Description of duties:

  • employing the following motto with enthusiasm: mi casa es su casa
  • partake in daily playdates
  • share children’s toys
  • willingness to babysit
  • pass all hand-me-down kids’ clothing to me for first grabsies
  • engage in winter evening knitting parties
  • bring me sweet sweet coffee in the morning without notice
  • participate in social afternoons involving screaming children and soothing tea
  • outings to Walmart with children to pass the time with no intention of buying anything, but leaving with a cart full of crap
  • exercise-paced walks with strollers
  • not offended by children swapping soothers
  • babysit stupid cat while we are on holidays


  • Must be a mother, SAHM to be given special consideration
  • Extra consideration given to mother of toddler or pre-school aged children
  • Must not be too hung up on cleanliness of domestic abode
  • Must enjoy knitting, preferably while under the influence
  • Must enjoy being under the influence
  • Must be understanding to the fatigues and stresses of motherhood
  • Must be very friendly and social
  • Has BIG shoes to fill.

Wages – to be negotiated. Benefits include, but are not limited to, frequent meals at la casa Mustard, free babysitting services, playmates for children, total sharing of household contents, carpooling, unlimited use of backyard pool (weather permitting).

Applicants may forward their resume to Mrs. Mustard in the comment space below. Only successful candidates will be contacted.  Or semi-successful candidates.  At this point, I’ll probably be contacting everyone.  It’s gonna be a l-o-n-g winter.


5 thoughts on “Help Wanted

  1. wow…i fit your bill to a T! it’s scary really!

    there’s only one problem…i live way the hell over here in Ottawa!

    sorry your buddy is leaving…that really sucks!

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