My deepest apologies

Dearest Sleep Deities,

I would like to formally apologize for anything I may have ever done to offend you and cause you to want to send your wrath my way.

I am sorry for perpetually sleeping in every morning for 3 years in high school, thus making my mother late for work as she had to wait for me to preen my vain self before she could drive me to school.  I feel greatly ashamed at the laughter I used to let loose whenever any of my friends talked about their babies who woke up at 5:00 am on a Saturday while I reveled in the splendor that is my  feather bed until 1:00 pm.  I am also embarrassed that I ever rebuked those who occasionally slipped their child some baby Benedryl before bed, or drank a sinful glass of straight up scotch on the rocks wine before nursing, just to get a good night’s sleep.  I cannot express how sorry I am for these atrocities.

With that being said, would you PLEASE restore the sleep I once had by helping Sacha sleep a) in his crib, b) more than 3 hours at a time, and c) later than 6:00 am every damn  blessed morning. If you would also be so kind as to consider my request to restore his normal nap patterns that we shared until last week, I would be forever greatful.

I remain yours respectfully, in perpetual awe and fear of you, oh mighty Sleep Deity.

Sincerely,

Sarah

PS – To the Sleep Goddess: You look fabulous.  Have you lost weight?

+++++++++++++++++++++++++++

PPS – It doesn’t hurt to sweeten the pot, right? 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “My deepest apologies

  1. Ah ha ha. Watch for my sucky sleep post this coming week.

    And sorry to break it to you honey, but the damn dieties just don’t return our calls anymore. As mommies we are now their bitches.

  2. Your basic premise is faulty, the sleep deity is male. Why else would it be only females who come equipped to get up and nurse in the middle of the night.

What do you think?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s