I’m tired of living here, away from everyone I love. I was just getting used to it when my next door neighbour, a fellow mom with young kids, started a “my house is your house” sort of agreement between us that resulted in having adult conversation and friendship almost every day while my husband was at work. Now, she says that she is moving – husband’s work, yadda yadda. I know that story all too well.
She’s been gone on holidays for 3 weeks, and already I want to die of the monotony of it all. Wake up in the morning, feed S, play with S, watch Backyardigans, put S down for a nap, shower, go on the computer, S gets up, we play, have lunch, nap, wake up, go for a walk, park, play, supper, bedtime. Repeat. Every. Day.
I spend so much time on the computer just to feel like I have friends and family close by, which I don’t. I would not call 4 provinces and 3000 km away “close by.” If I was better at making friends, I wouldn’t have this problem. I am not, however, what you would call a social butterfly, and I look at other moms pushing their strollers and long to scream out “HELLO! CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND?” But I don’t. That’s just not me. Read my old post: “Making riends: the new dating.”.
I miss my mom. I miss my sisters. I miss my grandparents, my aunt, my cousins, my kids (aka students). I miss my in-laws (call me crazy…). I miss my best friends. I miss life.
My life right now is a waiting game. Just waiting. Waiting for T to come home for lunch, waiting for T to come home at the end of the day. Waiting for August when I fly away from here and visit everyone for a month. Waiting to meet Arlo and kiss his sweet head. Waiting to see Elliot and dance ridiculous dances and sing silly songs with her. Waiting to see Sara and visit over pedicures. Waiting to introduce Kaloni, my best friend since the third grade, to Sacha. Waiting to hug my mom. Waiting to stitch and bitch with Andi while she spends all my money for me. Waiting for T’s contract to be up next summer.
I’m tired of it, and I’m tired of feeling this way.