Waiting

I’m tired of living here, away from everyone I love.  I was just getting used to it when my next door neighbour, a fellow mom with young kids, started a “my house is your house” sort of agreement between us that resulted in having adult conversation and friendship almost every day while my husband was at work.  Now, she says that she is moving – husband’s work, yadda yadda.  I know that story all too well.

She’s been gone on holidays for 3 weeks, and already I want to die of the monotony of it all. Wake up in the morning, feed S, play with S, watch Backyardigans, put S down for a nap, shower, go on the computer, S gets up, we play, have lunch, nap, wake up, go for a walk, park, play, supper, bedtime.  Repeat.  Every. Day.  

I spend so much time on the computer just to feel like I have friends and family close by, which I don’t.  I would not call 4 provinces and 3000 km away “close by.” If I was better at making friends, I wouldn’t have this problem.  I am not, however, what you would call a social butterfly, and I look at other moms pushing their strollers and long to scream out “HELLO!  CAN I BE YOUR FRIEND?”  But I don’t.  That’s just not me.   Read my old post: “Making riends: the new dating.”.

I miss my mom.  I miss my sisters.  I miss my grandparents, my aunt, my cousins, my kids (aka students). I miss my in-laws (call me crazy…).  I miss my best friends.  I miss life. 

My life right now is a waiting game. Just waiting.  Waiting for T to come home for lunch, waiting for T to come home at the end of the day.  Waiting for August when I fly away from here and visit everyone for a month. Waiting to meet Arlo and kiss his sweet head.  Waiting to see Elliot and dance ridiculous dances and sing silly songs with her. Waiting to see Sara and visit over pedicures.  Waiting to introduce Kaloni, my best friend since the third grade, to Sacha.  Waiting to hug my mom. Waiting to stitch and bitch with Andi while she spends all my money for me. Waiting for T’s contract to be up next summer. 

Waiting.

I’m tired of it, and I’m tired of feeling this way. 

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6 thoughts on “Waiting

  1. I wish I couldn’t relate to this post so well . . .

    My neighbor also just moved and I miss her terribly! Our kids are the same age and we met at the park every day, helped each other with the kids, and just enjoyed each other’s company. As for the waiting, waiting part, when I feel that way I remind myself how quickly my babies have grown up already! I need to cherish all this times with them, even if some days are mundane – and there are many that can be!

    Making friends as a stay at home mom IS hard. I love your analogy – the new dating, touche! Good luck, if I lived close we could be neighbor friends! 🙂 hugs!

  2. I completely understand how you feel, Sarah. We live 11 hours from our nearest family. I have made friends here, but they all live about 45 minutes from me and that’s quite a haul with 2 small kids whose naps have to be considered.

    The monotony really will get to you.

    I wish it were easier to make friends…I don’t know why I have such trouble.

    Hugs to you. I really do know how you feel.

  3. Sarah, your blog almost made me cry. I’m sorry you’re lonely. I felt like that many years ago when I lived on the farm with 4 small kids and didn’t know many people. One more year and things will be a whole lot better! At least your time in prison (Timmins) will be shortened by a month when you come here.

  4. I know how you feel. I’m 700 miles away from family for the first time in my life, and it is a lonely thing. I’ve made three friends (for me, that is like a million), but it isn’t the same.

    The worst part is that I am spending a month with my family, and to be with them all the time is making me crazy. I miss the days when it was just routine and not me feeling like if I don’t cram in every minute of time with them that I’m missing out.

    It’s tough. I’ll be back to keep you company.

  5. Pingback: Schmoozapalooza « Cheeze Whiz and Mustard

  6. Hi, I only just found your blog, but I love your writing! When I got to this post, I felt that I had to comment and say, you’re not the only one!
    I too live 3,000 km’s away from the fam, and for years (years! can you say ‘trouble making friends?’) the only person I had was the boyfriend.
    It’ll work out, I swear. I find people generally react well to, ‘Hi, wanna be my friend?’. It’s creepy, yet effective.

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