Dear Munchkin aka the littlest sister,
I heard that you are getting married. Not that you told me, although you told pretty much everyone else. I know that you and I have had our differences, like when you break or destroy everything you
steal borrow from me. I have always been supportive of you, even when I think you’re being a dumb ass. I listen to your delusions of grandeur (moving to Paris, moving to Texas) and kindly offer my words of advice, or play the devil’s advocate, although Lucifer seems to have thoroughly possessed you in the past 8 months or so.
You broke up with fiancé number one 8 months ago, who was a great guy and who loved you to bits. I understood, because things weren’t quite right. You yearned to pursue your love of music, and I wholly supported that. You moved across the country to make a fresh start, and I supported you. I encouraged you to find yourself, but all you found was a new guy, to whom you gave your key to your place after one week. You haven’t done anything with your trumpet. You broke up with him a few times in the past 6 months that you’ve known him, telling Magoo (aka the other sister) and I that he was emotionally abusive, he had a temper, he was controlling. We listened to you pour it out on the phone, only to hear that you’d got back together with him hours later. It’s hard listening to you tell us how unhappy you are, and then have to listen to you tell us that everything has changed for the better and that you’ll be ok, and that you were meant for each other.
We listened to you when you told us that you were pregnant (just after you had broken up with him for the 3rd time, but then you got back with him, of course) and stayed up at night worrying about you. We listened to mom cry over you, scared for your future. We breathed a sigh of relief when you told us that you’d lost the baby, and hoped that you’d learned something from the whole experience. It seems, however, that the only thing you’ve learned is how to give us ulcers from worry.
We don’t know what to say to you anymore, because you get angry when we don’t sound elated with joy and rapture when you tell us that you’re back with him and now, that you are marrying him this fall (should I remind you that you were supposed to be marrying fiancé #1 on September 1?). We’ve never met the new guy, but you’ve painted a very bad portrait in all our minds. What’s more, we will not have the chance to meet him before you commit to spending your lives together, and this saddens me. Why are you rushing into this? You are young, he’s even younger. You’ve not known each other more than 6 months, and no one has seen or heard him but you. It takes more than love and a diamond ring to make a marriage work. Ask anyone. You need love, but love is not enough. It takes devotion, commitment, knowing how to communicate, and knowing when to pick your battles. It takes a willingness to share everything and to learn how to forgive, but not forget. It takes trust, it takes time, it takes support from your family when the going gets rough (and it does, for everyone). We’ve done all we can for you, but our we’re tired, scared, and feeling empty with the notion that with this new guy and your new life, you’ve effectively dismissed us, your sisters, your family, from your life.
Thanks for not inviting us to your wedding. I’m sure you don’t mean to hurt us, but you did.
I love you.
– The oldest sister